Theater Mode • Video • Transcript This program contains subject matter andlanguage that may be disturbing to someviewers. Viewer discretion is advised. Yes! When I shoot coke, it's almost like an orgasmin your head. He tells me, the only friend I have is the drugs. I can't bear to lose another child. If I were to die, that would kill my mother.She probably would kill herself. He's actually at a point where he's crazy. I've got to scam something. Maybe stealsomething or rob someone. You want to just grab him and throw himthrough a wall sometimes. I'm asking you today to please take theopportunity for help. [MUSIC PLAYING] My name is Anthony A-N-T-H-O-N-Y. I'm 21years old and I live on the Jersey Shore. Themost important thing to me in the world isfamily. What does my family do? We makepizza. Everybody in my family has at leastone or two pizzerias. That's my pop, hestarted it all. There's my mom. She bustedher ass seven days a week for my brother-in-law Angelo. That's my brother Frederico. That's him and his wife Desimona. My brothers Sammy andTony. That's my nephew Antonio. He's goingto grow up in a pizzeria just like I did. Say hito the camera Antonio. All my brothers hadtheir own business by the time they were 21.I'm 21 now and I don't have anything. I'maddicted to shooting cocaine. All right, love you. Thanks pop. See you in the morning. First thing I do when I get off of work is gomeet up with my dealer and get what I have to get. I [BLEEP] love coke. I get just a smilewhen I think about getting high. He's absolutely killing himself. No one couldgo on the way he's going. Nobody. His arms, they've got needle marks all over.When I see that, it breaks my heart. I can't imagine where he is now in himself.Some place lonely and dark for him to haveto stick a needle in his arm to get through aday. I can't comprehend it. When I shoot coke, I get this crazy feeling inmy head. Like it's almost like a orgasm inyour head. It only lasts for about 15 seconds,but that 15 seconds is so intense. After that15 seconds, you crash right away, and you'revery paranoid. I'm bugging out right now.That's what this does to you. When he's high, he seems like somebody'strying to get him. I feel like my mom called the cops or something. Yeah, he's very jumpy. He just gets crazy. I feel like my heart's going to explode.Everything bugs me out right now. Every thing that comes by. Cars and everything.The desperation, that urge for more after I'veshot up is tremendous. That's the problemwith coke. It's hard to get it out of my headafter that. I'm thinking about it right now.I've got to scam something. Steal somethingor rob somebody. I don't know. I've gotta get something though, I know that. I really need to. Feel like I'm bugging. Iwould almost to anything to get the moneyto get one more. Anthony got choked up when he admittedhe stole it. He seemed very, very remorseful. I might regret some of the things and itmight feel horrible at what I've done afterI've done, when I'm in that mode, there'snothing really that could stop me. I'vethought sometimes that maybe we'd havebeen better off if he stabbed me and what Idid to my brother because it cause so muchdisappointment, and it hurt. You can't even imagine him doing this. It'slike, is it Anthony? Is he that desperate? You know? You want to just grab him and throw him through a wall sometime. Sometimesyou just want to get inside his brain. And Isay that to myself. What are you, stupid?What is wrong with you? But, it's hard whenyou can't really do anything. Because itdoesn't matter. You could talk, and yell, andscream until you're blue in the face. It's notgoing to get through. I don't think anybody in the familyunderstands me. Sometimes I don'tunderstand myself. He was a very gorgeous baby, Anthony, andeverybody'd come in, what a beautiful child.I was very proud of him. Every mother would've loved to have had ason like Anthony. But Anthony was born intoa very complicated family situation. Anthony never got to live with my twosisters, and they were in and out of his life, in and out of all of our lives. I was young. I didn't have an instructionbook on how you're supposed to deal withsomething like this. And I tried all differentways, and then I tried the tough love. Every time they got out of control, she threw them out. With my two youngest children, Tommy andAnthony, I just felt that I would raise themdifferent than how my other children wereraised. She just had high expectations for me, you know? She'd say that to herself, like, I'm notgoing to mess up this time. There's no wayI'm going to let anything wrong happen tothis kid. In the fourth grade, he joined a baseballteam. The first baseball game I remember was thefirst game I had ever pitched, and I struck 17 out of 18 batters out. As I got older, my lifewas all about baseball. He used to hit that ball unbelievable. If it was the bottom of the ninth and youwere down two runs, he'd hit the home runto win the game. From nine to 14 years old, I played about 150games a year. I never missed one. Come on, Anthony! I loved to watch my son. I used to come rightout of my chair. I was like one of these crazymothers. Yes! My father didn't have too much interest inmy sports. I had a 150 games a year and myfather didn't make it to one. Well, he probably doesn't remember, but Idid go at least four times to his games. He was too busy in his own addiction. My father's a big gambler, so he's always onthe road gambling. That was his life. That'shis addiction. I don't say I have a gambling problem. I can quite when I want to, I gamble when I gottime. I think Anthony growing up, when he reallyneeded his father, he wasn't there for him.He was gambling. He did cheat. Things were-- they weren't good for a long time. I decided to get a divorce to be separatedand go on on my own. When I was 14 years old, two horrible thingshappened to me at the same year. Right after my father left, my sister passed awayfrom a drug overdose. My mother just lost it. Dropped to the floor. I mean, I've never seen anybody react likethat. Dropped to the floor screaming at thetop of her lungs, absolutely out of control. When my daughter died, that was it forhope. After my sister passed away, my mother wasnever the same. She went into a black holefor five years. She felt like it was her fault.She felt like she never got to say goodbye.Besides the fact that we were upset that mysister passed away, we just had to watch ourmother just-- She was broken up so terrible. My house was a very sad house after mydaughter died. I'm sure I'm the one thatmade the sadness. Smoking pot took my mind off all thesadness. My mother was caught up in herown sadness and depression to even noticethat I was starting to go down that wrongroad. Pop didn't notice anything because he was never around. I started trying all the hard drugs. I've tried ecstasy, cocaine,percocets, vicodin, Valium. I was looking for the fastest and cheapestway to get high and stay high, and that let me to heroin. I started to notice he got a lot thinner, darkcircles under his eyes. When Tommy told me that she thoughtAnthony was on hard drugs, I didn't believeher. So she rounded up my family and make me take a drug test. When I saw the drug test come out positive, Itruly felt the sharpest pain to my heart. I wasjust totally devastated. I still wanted to choose something eventhough I was on methadone. You can't reallyget high on heroin when you're on themethadone program because themethadone is a blocker, so I tried coke and Iliked it better. I love it. They said if he had waited five moreminutes, he would've died. That's what thedoctor told me. If I were to die, that would kill my mother.She probably would kill herself. She wouldnot be able to go on anymore. I miss my daughter very much, and believe itor not, my son is still here and I miss him somuch. I told him last night how much I misshim. And he said, I miss you too mommy. Hesays, I miss you too. He says, I want you to be-- I want my old mom back. But I want myold son back. Anthony. Come on, it's time for work. Come on. What's up? Anthony, come on. Don't give me a hardtime. I'm not. All right, come on, you've got to get ashower. When I wake up in the morning, mygrandma's screaming. I can't take her voicein the morning. Anth? How many times are you going to ask me? My mornings are always like this because hecomes in late and he can't get up. I think I do enable my son. He has his home,and his warm bed, and a shower. He stilllives like a gentleman. He wants me to cook him something, I do it.We do everything we can for him. Oh, I didn'tgive you the milk for your coffee, did I? What don't they do for him? He's got the lifeover there. He does exactly what he wants.Whatever he needs, they do. You want more cereal? Mm mm. Here. Thanks. Got any papers for me? Yeah, here it is. Have you got Advil or something? Somethingfor my head. Motrin. They think that they're helping him, but he'sbasically controlling them. Whoever gets you as a husband is going to-- I love you, see you later. --is going to be sorry. My grandma does a lot of things for mearound the house. OK, drive carefully now. I don't know if it's fair, but it's helpful. Maybeher workload should be reduced a little bit,but I like that she's always active because Ithink it keeps her going, it keeps her young. Takes me a while to get up the steps becauseI have two metal knees. I wouldn't like her just to lay around and donothing, because I think she would diesooner if she did that. I think. No, they're not helping him. In my opinion,they're killing him. And I tell them that. My daughter has a very different outlook ondrug addiction. To put him out and not know where he's at,on the street or in the gutter somewhere, Ijust can't see that, but that's whateverybody tells us we have to do. I know if I put my son out of my house, Iknow it's a death sentence. I know Anthonywill die. Right now, we're going to my brother'spizzeria in Bricktown, my brother Frederico.That's where my father works two days aweek and I'm going to go help him out todayover there. [MUSIC PLAYING] I bust my ass. I work about 70 hours a week.And it's not like sitting around doing nothing. I work all day long. My son Sammy tells me all the time, Pop,he's an excellent worker. Zucchini sticks and mussels hot. Everything he does, he does it to perfection. Sometimes I don't have days off. Sometimes I work seven days. All right, miss. Have a good day. Thank you. Thank you. I like working though. I enjoy it and that's mymeans to get money for drugs, so it doesn'treally bother me. His brothers are enabling him by giving him a job. I don't know why they do it. Well, my father asks us, me and my brothersto help him, to give a job so he doesn't steal. I talked them in, begged them to let him goback work. Right now, he's basically keeping me undercontrol. He knows that I'll spend too muchmoney and I might kill myself if I have toomuch money on me at one time. He's a part time accountant now. Pop's got to handle his money, pay his bills, fill his car up with gas, pay his tickets, give his mothermoney. It's like baby sitting a 21-year-old 24hours a day. Rub my shoulder, man. I'm hurt. I'm sore,man. Oh, man, hurting. In a certain sense, I do like how concernedmy father is about me. My father never paidmuch attention to me before the drugs. What time did you go home last time? I got home 2:00. 2:00? All right. I went to bed about 2:30, I got seven hours ofsleep. Woke up at 9:30. Now I definitely have his attention. I guess ittook his son almost losing his life andbecoming a drug addict to really show howmuch he loved him. You can't skip one night? I can. Well, why don't you do it one night? Giveeverybody a rest. Always got to worry aboutwhere you are and if you'd ever come home.Look at your eyes, they're all black. I work every day. That's what I'm saying. You don't even give me a day off. I've got tocome around and work here. This takes myday off. I can't even work. Pops definitely has pain in his chest and hisheart is broken that his youngest son hasthis problem, and it brothers me. Thatmakes me feel sad, but I'm just glad that hedoes love me. I feel very, very depressed. I know it's gettingclose to the time that he's going to leave,and I'm going to be very, very worried. I'll call you. You're making me worried, bro.It's making me feel bad. Are you all right, orwhat? What's wrong? I want you to maybe go home early. You don't hurt right here, right? Have you got a pain? Yeah. I feel sick because I don't know where you're going and when you're coming home. I don't even want to go anywhere then. I don't even want to leave you then. You make me feel bad. I don't want you to have a heartattack. Are you all right? Why are you so worried? You never worried like this before. I don't want you to stay out there because I don't know what's happening. I don't know if you're going to die out there. Why don't I go home, I'll call you when I gethome? I love you Pop, all right? Don't worrytoo much, all right? All right. Don't worry. All right. I love you. See you later. Come home early. All right. Love you, Pop. Pop, man, he'skilling me right now. I don't know, man. Hewas crushed. I don't know, he looked so-- I don't know. I really didn't like that look that he had on his face tonight. Seriously, thatreally-- I felt that in here. I'm a man, and I don't like to cry in front of people. I cry inside. I don't want them tolook at me crying. I dread the nights I wait for Anthony to comein. Sometimes he doesn't come home, and Icannot sleep. I know he's out there. It's 1:00,a little after 1:00. I'm really starting to getnervous. I'm so consumed with saving myson that I don't think of anything else. It's 2:00 in the morning. That's him. Aw man, she's going to freak out like a bitch. And I do this every night. Oh man. What's up, mom? What are you stilldoing up? Am I not up every time you walk in thatdoor? I have to get up at 5:00 and go towork. I don't know. I don't know if I can golike this. I can't take it anymore, Anthony. Ican't believe that you let your mother dothis every single night. Every single nightyou don't even try, Anthony. You don't eventry a little bit. You don't even try one nightnot to do something. I'm not going to explain what I do. JesusChrist. Aw man. I really can't take it anymore. Can I go to sleep or what? You had your fun for the night? I'm aggravated. Even when he is home, I cannot sleep. I check three or four times I go in and look,and I always look to see that Anthony'sbreathing, that the covers are moving. I can'tbear to lose another child to drugs. It's hard for me to imagine how hard it mustbe for Anthony's mom to consider that shemight have put Anthony out, but I think sheneeds to do it. And I'm concerned that shefollows her bottom line if we have to gothere. Here's the deal. As soon as hisproblem becomes his problem, the odds gooff that he's going to get help. Because rightnow, he gets to have the problem and youget to pay the pain and consequences. He's handed his life to everybody else, andyou've picked it up, and then we're allscratching out heads. Why doesn't this guychange? He doesn't have to change. But nowhe does. See, that's done. That's over. We'renot doing that anymore. Tomorrow, we'regoing to hand him back his life and asolution. If he doesn't know, what does thatmean for you? For me? Well, he works for me, so I'm going to tell him that he can't work for meanymore. OK. Same here. He will not be around my family or around me. OK, what about you? No car, no money. All right, mom. How do you feel about this? I think, naturally, I have this fear that I'll put Anthony out of my life and then he'll die. I don't doubt that you know that youprobably, if it comes to it, are going to have to put him out. I will do it. If I think that's the only way thatI'm going to be able to save my son, I will do it. Sorry. Tomorrow, when you're reading your letter,if you start crying, don't apologize. OK? Thisis a cryable event. I've spent too many years crying. I'vedisrupted my entire family. I've made lifeunbearable for people. Well, I suspect you'rebeing harder on you than they would be.Look at me. You don't have to hide whenyou're crying. You don't. Don't hang your head. Don't feel ashamed of crying. You know why you keep crying all the time?You never finish. There's probably thingswith your daughter that you wish you couldsay, but after tomorrow, you're not going towish you could say anything to him. I know. I know that's going to be so different.I'm ready. Oh my god, am I nervous. Oh man, everybody's in there. Oh. What'sup? Listen. We're really concerned about you. Wetried to help, but we all failed. Mr. Van Vonderen here is going to help the family. All right. All right? Yeah. How are you doing? Jeff. What's up? Nice to meet you. You too. Hey, sit over here. What's up, Angelo? What's up Anth? How are you doing? Good to see you, man. What's up, Tommy? How are you doing?What's up, Freddy? Well, Anthony, actually I've been here sinceyesterday and spent quite a bit of time withthese guys. And I know you don't need me totell you this, but they love you like crazy. Butthey feel like they're losing you and theywant to fight to get you back. So this isinviting you to join the fight. That's all. Cool?Mom, you can go first. Anthony. I'm here today to tell you how verymuch I love you. The day you were born wasthe start of a new and exciting adventure forme. I have many wonderful memories. Whenyou walked little Danny Petrone home fromschool because the older boys were pickingon him. Your first baseball game in thefourth grade. Also, your last Little Leaguegame when you hit a home run and we wonthe championship. I remember your friend Chris was so ill andneeded a kidney, and you told his father ifyou could, you would give him one of yours.How you wanted your sister to meet Angelobecause you wanted him in the family, andTommy to have a good life. A great memoryof us walking to the beach and havingbreakfast and reading the newspaper. Youhad the sports. Sometimes we would read our books in bed before we fell asleep. Yourswas Goosebumps. Now our times are spent being nasty, yelling,crying. Spending time in the hospital for badreactions to drugs. Anthony. Your addictionto drugs has resulted in my own addiction.I'm so occupied with your destructive way oflife, I've allowed myself to be swallowed upin grief and despair. I've become angry,bitter, and incredibly sad. I bring nothing positive to the rest of thefamily or myself. I'm asking you today toplease accept the offer of help. Just like theday in Little League you hit a home run,today is the time to hit another home runand to take the opportunity for help. Will youplease accept help today? Yeah, I accept it. Yeah? Yeah, definitely. You want to know what the plan is? Yeah. I'm going to the airport, Newark Airport. I'm going to the airport today? Yeah. I'm not going to work. No. OK, where am I going? Southern California. A place called PacificHills. Before you go there, you're going to goto a place called Pat Moore Foundation,which is a safe medical detox to get you offall that stuff. Great. And that's the plan. Awesome. Thank you. You're welcome. You can hug him now. I'll miss you, man. Good choice. I'm glad you're going. I appreciate it. I'm sorry. Yeah, me too. I miss you. I miss you too. I'm proud of you. I miss you. I love you. All right. Let's go, let's do it. All right mom. I love you, sweetheart. Do well. Love you. This is a home run for you. I got you. I got you this time. I love you Pop,all right? Pop's going to add some years backonto his life the couple months I leave, right?I mean, he's got to get old. Huh? I miss you. I miss you too, I know. I love you, Pop. Tonight I will actually sleep in my bed thefirst time in six months. I love you, Ma. See you later. I feel such great relied and I know that he'ssafe. Anthony? Yeah, how are you doing? I'm Debbie, nice to meet you. I'm glad you're here. How are you doing? Nice to meet you. I'm the program director here at Pacific Hills. Nice to meet you. I'm not afraid for myself in anyway, but I amworried about my mother back home, andmy family. Anthony he has a great deal of care abouthis mother and his grandmother, and thathas the potential to draw him out oftreatment here. So what we'll try to helpthem see is that he is of absolutely no use tothem if he continues on the road he's on. I feel confident. It's like starting over. I reallymight not go back. Maybe to see my momand stuff. Maybe I'll bring them out here andlive. I begged him not to bring him home. Hechose to bring him home. I've been screwing up a lot since I got back.Good times. All back to the same thing. He promised that if I-- you know, pop, if yougive me back, I promise you, I'll with you andI'll go straight. I ain't doing drugs right now.I'm OK. I was off the heroin for like two, threemonths. I thought I was strong enough to doit again and it wouldn't get me. But, you know, wrong as usual. He manipulates his father. His fatherbelieves everything he says, and then hegoes and gets him a car on top of everythingelse when he knew Anthony was doingdrugs. I'm not the type of person to say I toldyou so, but I almost want to scream it. I feelreally frustrated. Frustrated with everybody.And really not so much Anthony, buteverybody else. I invited Anthony to have Christmas dinnerwith me because he had no place to haveChristmas dinner. Nothing changed. I wonder the day we didthe pre-intervention and the intervention ifanybody else was in that room or heardwhat was supposed to be done. They refuseto get help and they think that Anthony's the only one with a problem when, in fact, theyhave a ton of issues themselves to deal with.But they don't see it that way. Right now, all my life is about this next high,because I'm not in a happy place when I'mnot. So I'm doing like six, seven, eight bagsin a day. Every day is getting worse, and worse, andworse. My life know is miserable again. I'mdisappointing everybody and anybody.Everybody who's had hope of me, I'vecrushed all their hope. It's very discouraging,but it's me that's doing it all. I made the wrong decision. I'm really upsetabout this, but I did it because I thought Iwas going to help him. It didn't work. Sometimes it takes a relapse to catapultpeople into the program. You've got to comeout and stay for a while. That's what you'vegot to do. I'm an addict. I lived in a programfor a year. And it takes that long. And youmight go up and down and up and down,but you've got to take some direction.Prescott's a great recovery camp. Realdifferent. Anything I've got to do. I want to make myfamily happy. They deserve it. So you're ready. I'm ready. All right. I'm ready. I came along way to get you. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you for everything, Pop. This time you don't come back, and maybeget better. All right? Huh? Yeah. All right. I don't want to leave you. I know, but you have to. What are you going to do? All right? You did everything to help me. Thank you. I tried. I love you so much. I love you too, Anth. How are you feeling, Anthony? I don't know. Kind of happy, but I feel bad for my father. The only reason he ever brought me back is he thought he was helping me. Yeah, but I bet he won't do that again. If his parents will get some help, Anthony'srecovery process will be easier, but if he canget on the phone and call mom and dad andget them to enable him again, they might as well send him a syringe. You know what I say. You've got to give yourparents a break. It's time to man up. You'vegot to do this. You've just got to do it, andthey need to go learn how to take care ofthemselves. I always say, if we could get theparents in treatment, we might stand achance. That's the truth. Yeah. I think there'll be some challenges in here indealing with Anthony. He's sweet, he'sadorable, but he's the kind of guy that mightsteal your wallet and help you look for it. Myhope and my prayer for Anthony is that hegets down to his core issues, because if hedoesn't, he's not going to make it. What do I hope for myself? I hope six monthsfrom now I'm still here, and clean, andbasically have got a new life for myself. Thisconcern with changing my ways. Let's hope I can do it. [MUSIC - THE DAVENPORTS, "FIVE STEPS"]