COM100 Assessment 2 Outline Last updated on 9-Feb-17 Study Group Australia Pty Limited trading as Martin College, Martin Higher Education Page 1 of 7 Assessment 2: Proof Reading, Editing and Rewriting Date due: Session 6 Value: 15% Student name:_______________________________ Student number:_____________________________ Rationale Reviewing and evaluating documentation tests a student’s ability to assess information, critically evaluate its content, formulate observations and provide communication solutions to address any perceived issues or problems. Instructions Students will be required to review examples of two (2) poorly written business documents; a newsletter and a business letter. Students are required to provide written commentary and observation on the terminology, wording and phrasing of these documents. Students will then be required to edit and rewrite these documents using language and phrasing they believe more effective and appropriate. Submission Students are required to enter their name and student number above and submit through the Assessment 2 Study Smart submission point. Submission Criteria The following elements will be assessed in this submission: Criteria Marks Accuracy Of Observations And Comments Very high level of accuracy of observations and comments on language and grammar in both documents. 5 marks Applicability Of Observations And Comments Very high level of applicability of observations and comments on language and grammar in both documents. 5 marks Clarity and Viability Very high level of clarity and viability of the re-written documents and retention of the original ‘message’s’ intent. 5 marksCOM100 Assessment 2 Outline Last updated on 9-Feb-17 Study Group Australia Pty Limited trading as Martin College, Martin Higher Education Page 2 of 7 Original Acme Company Group Newsletter Review the following communication and provide written commentary and observation on the terminology, wording and phrasing used in it. Use the Observation/Comment table on the next page to write down and comment on any ambiguous terms, inappropriate words and examples of poor phrasing you can find in the text below. Each sentence is numbered to help you list every language and grammar point you find. (1) Following the recent appraisals undertaken by XYZ, the management has accepted the need for implementing greater group integration within the Acme companies. (2) In order for the group to present a common image it must show a consistent level of performance across all operating units, particularly in terms of marketing and sales skills. (3) To obtain this the board has accepted that central management must play a greater part in directing each company’s activities, although it is recognised that the autonomy of each company must be retained. (4) It is also accepted that significant sales increases can be achieved in the short term by improving the overall group standard of sales management and control. (5) The sales control system should take into account the need for simplicity thereby maximising real selling time (6) the role of individual sales management will be to evaluate their respective sales operations, constantly and critically. (7) From this study the most appropriate system will be selected and then adapted to incorporate the specific operational characteristics of the Acme Group. (8) As the system evolves, it will be corroborated by referring back to the individual companies in order to ensure comparability with national requirements.COM100 Assessment 2 Outline Last updated on 9-Feb-17 Study Group Australia Pty Limited trading as Martin College, Martin Higher Education Page 3 of 7 Sentence Acme Company Group Newsletter Observations/Comments on Language and Grammar 1 Example Comments: 'Appraisal' of what? ; ‘Management’ of what? 2 Example Comments: ‘In order for’ is clumsy and not plain English – just use 'For'. 3 4 5 6 7 8COM100 Assessment 2 Outline Last updated on 9-Feb-17 Study Group Australia Pty Limited trading as Martin College, Martin Higher Education Page 4 of 7 Edited and Re-Written Acme Company Group Newsletter Reflecting on your observations and comments on terminology, wordings, and phrasing in the Acme Company Group newsletter, use the space below to re-write the newsletter using language and phrasing you believe is more effective and appropriate.COM100 Assessment 2 Outline Last updated on 9-Feb-17 Study Group Australia Pty Limited trading as Martin College, Martin Higher Education Page 5 of 7 Original Blue Sky Airlines Letter Review the following letter and provide written commentary and observation on the terminology, wording and phrasing used in it. Use the Observation/Comment table on the next page to write down and comment on any inappropriate terms, phrasing or words in the letter below. Blue Sky Airlines January 18, 2014 Dear Mr. Johnson: (1) You wrote to us recently regarding a complaint you had with Blue Sky Airlines. Allegedly, you purchased a ticket from the Travelocity online ticket service for your 19-year-old son to travel from Chicago to Miami on October 12. When you arrived at O’Hare airport in Chicago on October 12, you were informed that Blue Sky Airlines charges a $35 fee (each way) to deal with minors traveling alone. You were told that your son could not be approved for boarding unless you paid the fee, which you did pay. In your letter, you requested a refund of this fee—in your case, a total of $70. (2) If you had read the special information attached to your ticket order, you would have seen our policy clearly stated within: Blue Sky Airlines charges a fee of $35 each way for the cost of attending to unattended minors. Thus, according to these terms, we are not obligated to refund your fee and will not do so. However, we are sending you (enclosed) a $35 coupon which you may apply to your next Blue Sky Airlines ticket purchase. (3) In the future, I suggest that you carefully read all the provisions and conditions of airline tickets you purchase. This way you will avoid unpleasant surprises. Sincerely, Charles Wentworth Client Services Representative Blue Sky AirlinesCOM100 Assessment 2 Outline Last updated on 9-Feb-17 Study Group Australia Pty Limited trading as Martin College, Martin Higher Education Page 6 of 7 Paragraph Blue Sky Airlines Letter Observations/Comments on Language and Grammar 1 2 3 Reflecting on the letter and the questions below do you think it is effectively written? In regards to some measures of effectiveness, the letter is well written, clear, articulate, well organized and grammatically correct. However, is this letter likely to achieve its goals? What should those goals be? What would be your reaction to receiving this letter?COM100 Assessment 2 Outline Last updated on 9-Feb-17 Study Group Australia Pty Limited trading as Martin College, Martin Higher Education Page 7 of 7 Edited and Re-Written Blue Sky Airlines Letter Reflecting on your observations and comments on terminology, wordings, and phrasing in the Blue Sky Airlines letter, use the space below to re-write the letter using language and phrasing you believe may be more effective and appropriate. Submission Students are required to enter their name and student number above and submit this whole document for this assessment.