shaik imran (12043965).docx by Shaik Imran .
FILE
TIME SUBMITTED 17-APR-2017 06:42PM SUBMISSION ID 800282779
WORD COUNT 1739 CHARACTER COUNT 9928
57083_SHAIK_IMRAN_._SHAIK_IMRAN__12043965__432271_1752585 596.DOCX (23.13K)
1
Citation needed
2
Direct Quote
3
4
Unclear
5
Citation needed
Good
Citation needed 6
7
8
Citation needed 9
10
11
Citation needed
12
Citation needed
13
Citation needed
14
Citation needed
15
16
17Check Referencing 18
19
FINAL GRADE 11/30
shaik imran (12043965).docx
GRADEMARK REPORT
GENERAL COMMENTS Instructor
Imran,
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at structuring a response to the assessment requirements, but has several major issues as detailed further by the comments provided in text. Of primary concern is the clarity of your written expression. Your writing is often extremely unclear, and this makes it very hard to assess your understanding and the application of the concepts. I'd strongly advise you to seek assistance from the Academic Learning Centre in regards to your writing for future assignments.
Also, you have not included enough academic sources, suggesting that you haven't done enough independent research for this task. This shows in your discussion of the concepts, which tends to be far too descriptive and not analytical enough.
If you can address these concerns for the next two assignments, you should be able to substantially improve on your mark.
Geoff
PAGE 1
PAGE 2
PAGE 3
Comment 1
Your opening sentence is very poorly written, and doesn't make for a very good first impression on the reader.
QM
QM
QM
QM
QM
QM
Citation needed This information needs to be supported with an appropriate source.
Comment 2
I'm not even sure what you're trying to say here.
Direct Quote When you are using the exact words of another author, you need to show that this is a direct quote. Without showing this, you are claiming to have written these words, which you haven't, and as such is very close to plagiarism.
Comment 3
What do you mean here? Your written expression is very difficult to assess.
Comment 4
What factors?
Unclear You seem like you have an okay understanding of these concepts, but it's very hard to assess as you seem to have difficultly clearly communicating this understanding.
Comment 5
You can just say 'Optus', not 'The Optus'.
Citation needed This information needs to be supported with an appropriate source.
Good Your writing here is effectively answering the question
Citation needed This information needs to be supported with an appropriate source.
Comment 6
I'm not sure how restructuring the company in this way shows that they are being attentive to their customers... it's just showing that they want to be making money.
Comment 7
connected how exactly?
PAGE 4
Comment 8
QM
QM
QM
QM
QM
This shouldn't be in capitals.
Citation needed This information needs to be supported with an appropriate source.
Comment 9
This doesn't really analyse the political environmental factors affecting Optus.
Comment 10
Just economic. Economical means something different.
Comment 11
Rather than briefly describing all six of these factors, you could have just focused on two or three and analysed them in detail.
Citation needed This information needs to be supported with an appropriate source.
Comment 12
I think you are trying to segue into risk management here, but your written expression is extremely difficult to follow.
Citation needed This information needs to be supported with an appropriate source.
PAGE 5
Comment 13
What model are you using to determine these factors?
Citation needed This information needs to be supported with an appropriate source.
Comment 14
Essentially all of your analysis is completely unsupported by academic sources (or any kind of sources for that matter).
Citation needed This information needs to be supported with an appropriate source.
Comment 15
I'm not sure what unit-specific concepts you are referring to here...
QM
Comment 16
This doesn't really seem relevant for this task...
PAGE 6
Comment 17
You were required to have AT LEAST 12 academic sources in your reference list. You have only listed a total of 10 sources, and only about 4-5 of them could be considered as academic sources. This clearly is not meeting the requirements for this task.
Check Referencing
Your referencing style doesn't conform to the APA style guidelines here
Comment 18
Shouldn't be in capitals.
Comment 19
References don't need to be numbered.
PAGE 7