Assertive Communication PSYCHOLOGYT LS Communicating assertively means clearly and calmly expressing what you want without either being too passive or too aggressive. Learning to communicate assertively doesn’t guarantee you will have your needs met but it makes it more likely, and it can improve your relationships with other people. http://psychology.tools Passive Assertive Aggressive Thinking your needs don’t matter at all Give in Not talking, not being heard Trying to keep the peace Allowing yourself to be bullied Not saying what you think, or not saying anything Damages relationships - other people respect you less Damages your self-esteem Thinking that only your needs matter Take Talking over people Looking out for yourself Bullying others Can lead to shouting, aggression or violence Damages relationships - other people don’t like aggression Damages others self-esteem Recognising that your needs matter as much as anyone elses Compromise Talking and listening Making sure things are fair - for you and others Standing up for yourself Express your point clearly and confidently Enhances relationships - other people know where they stand Builds your self-esteem Tips for communicating assertively Use “I” statements Be clear and direct: “I would like you to give me a refund” “I think what you have done is good, but I would like to see more of...” Describe how another person’s behaviour makes you feel This makes other people aware of the consequences of their actions: “When you raise your voice it makes me scared ... I would like you to speak softly” “When you don’t tell me what you are feeling it makes me confused” Stick to your guns - the broken record technique This involves thinking about what you want, preparing what you might say, then repeating it as necessary: “I would like a refund ... Yes, but I would still like a refund ... I’ve heard what you have said but I still want a refund”